For as long as I can remember, and I'm not really that old...hey being thirteen isnt so bad...I've been scared most of my life. Scared why my momma had left me, my dad had cancer or when my sister would kill me. or at least batter my brains in for good measure.

And the funny thing is, I never used to be afraid of her...sure she'd give me a knock here and a bruise here but i thought it was all part of being her sister and her being so rough anyhow...and other things that I would only reveal in my diary, IF SHE HAD ONLY SAID SORRY....that would make me excuse her behavior...but i never took it all seriously...except that day....ooo sorry...i didnt mean to spill my dairy's secrets, i promised her i wont say a word...

im already in enough trouble as it is for comming back on this computer....my sister wanted to know what the hell i was ....sorry she swears at me... doing on this thing last night when i heard someone at my bedroom door. our bedroom door i should say...it's not as we have the money to afford two rooms. my dad's oxygen cyclinder and medical supplies takes up most of the space in his room.

im trying so hard not to dredge up the past or think about the future...and i must go soon...ive got the front room to clean and my sister's school clothes to wash...i dont want to get into trouble again...sandflies are every where this time of year on the island so ive got to find wood to make a smoke fire as well.. long island isnt so bad you know...ive lived here all my life and i know her curves like the back of my hand...even...the place to go where you want utter privacy and to dig for treasure....but only my dairy knows and i aint telling a soul...

night is falling fast....so hope you are safe whereever you are..

if i ever manage to sneak back on this thing again, ill tell you about the show down that happened at school today between my sister and sabriella....oooo i promise you wont believe it...

love sam.....

ps..i still shouldnt be talking to strangers