Its sad sometimes when you just want to forget but no matter how hard you try to, it keeps processing over and over in your head and it drives you insane. I just want to forget but i guess im remembering the reason to not regress. Sometimes when your willing to do something for someone, they're not willing to do that something for you. Every knows what it is they want in order to be happy, but we dont want to just tell them because it would take all the pleasures in them trying. All we want is for someone to try. All i wanted was for you to try. You asked me a very important question, i gave you an important answer, but nothing important was done about it which confuses me even more but i guess thats how its always been. In the past 6 months, I've changed, I keep to myself but i keep my best friends and family around. I've maybe even grown cold but aye thats life. I used to look at the world as black and white. Thinking these things could never happen/shudnt happen because i believed that people are not that "crazy." Now i see the world with colorful eyes and I wonder why????? To look at the world with black and white eyes is to see past the bad in people, to see past their mistakes and believe in their good but with colorful eyes pain exists. I guess thats why my eyes see with color now because of pain. Everyone has their moments and everyone makes mistakes. When you make a mistake their is nothiing that can make a wrong right but one can try to make up for it. All i wanted was for you to try and make up for it because I was looking at the world through my black and white eyes. Giving you the benefit of the doubt, you gave me the doubt. But yet i manage to look at the world with black and white eyes. Growing up in a catholic community, i grew up around the bible. Whenever i make a decision I base it upon Jesus. If he is willing to be there for us no matter how much we desrt him, why cant we do the same? They say we should try to live our lives like hiim and follow in his footsteps but doing the right thing is so hard especially when there is pain involved. Everything is so contradictory in my mind. I dont know how i should feel and i dont know what i should do. I'll always say dont worry about me, i'll be fine but try to look at the world through black and white eyes and then experience my pain but I know i'll be fine because i have family but i just want to forget because my love never died, maybe urs might have but not mines and maybe it wont but it will be confined because i no longer see with black and white eyes or maybe i do! One looks with black and white and the other sees the color but i'll continue to see the good and maybe i'll make a difference but the scars will remain because for the love of any child will my weakness remain.

To be continued....