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Sam and the gang from 'If She Had Said Sorry' , http://www.ifshehadonlysaidsorry.com/ would like to wish EVERYONE a very peaceful christmas and a prosperous new year.. hope you find all that you wish for under the christmas tree surrounded by the love of your friends and family cheers from England the author 
bent over , back-breaking work - that's all I'm ever good for and all Ive ever been used to - from the minute i was born and probably to the momment till I die. I'm convinced Claire must even had me doing some sort of manual labour in my cot from where i laid. Why does she have it in for me so bad? When is anyone going to stop and intervene? These pesky social workers come to our house every month on an end, filling out forms and displaying smiles, none stopping to think what two teenagers could be getting up to in a house with a cancerous father. ''O no, Grandma Setie girls wont get up any trouble..o she keeps them so in check...you should taste her guava duff..and man those homemade rolls...the last time we came, o she was making seagrape jam...you should seen the thick black jelly...''and on and on they'd go, as if i was interested in the slightest in their details about how Grandma Setie was supposedly keeping us in order'' the last time they came I made a deliberate attempt to half raise my sleeves so they could see the fresh bruises that Claire had made on arm just that morning for not getting her up early in time to put on her make -up...but o no...''you must stopping playing so rough with the boys Sam, or going rambling through the bushes to the coast on your own Sam''...o for goodness sake- why do i even bother?!!...no one is going to miss me until im dead. well i lie, maybe nathan would....he's been ever so kind to me..he lets me take the first bite out of his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at lunch and he always let me dig the biggest clam and perriwinkle off the weather tired rocks near the cove that we go to weekends...after ive done the load of washing and ironing, and cooking and cleaning and clipping Claire's toenails...i suppose i should be grateful that she hasnt made me bite them off with my teeth instead.. so far... ....im going out to look at the stars...the sky is like a dusty pink canvass with a million lights sparkling through....i wonder if everywhere else in the world have a sky like my long island...' sam.
'It appears as if lady luck has decided to pay me a visit this weekend, by first visiting Claire with a severe case of menstrual cramps. Normally she would have me fetching and doing her bidding every minute, but her stomach cramps were so bad Grandma Setie forced her to spend the afternoon by her after taking her up to the clinic in Simms to make sure she wasnt pregnant. My grandma came from those generation of no nonsense women who didnt mess around or 'mince' a single word. You should have seen the look on Claire's face when Grandma told her to go and get ready for the clinic. I may be a lemon, but when it comes to Grandma Setie, you do as you were told. Now I know you may be wondering...why havent i her about what's been going on between Claire and I, and the simple truth of the matter is, Claire and I are the only thing left of her daughter, our mom, and I didnt want to burden her with my woes. Besides, she had enough health problems of her own with her 'suger' and 'high blood pressure', and ive over heard the doctor saying any stress would be bad for her heart. How could I cause the death of someone else yet so close to me? Im not going to do it.....i cant do it..i wont do it...God will make a way...he has to..ive tried, cried and prayed and he must have heard by now... but anyway, back to my one glorius weekend..Claire spent the weekend by Grandma, who only lives a short track road down from us, and Dad had his friends visiting from the pub, so I was free to do what i want like a bird. I went to the beach and Adderley's plantation near Stella Morris, Long Island where I watched the turtles crawled along the edges of the sand and then swam out to sea, I had my metal detector with me to see if I could pick up any signals from the old slavery plantation...i had to make sure i was careful stepping around any broken bottles or overgrown brambles, and then I went to the blue hole near the stella morris highway to see if i could spot any fishes or signs of life lurking in the depths...and do you know what the best part of my weekend was? I had Nathan with me. love Sam.
'you dont want me to get started on the day ive just had.... i missed the bus...i left my lunch at home and my sister tripped me up in front of her friends and had the nerve to say it was an accident....its on days like these like i wish i could just curl up and die... or disappear....No one takes me seriously anymore, and my father...my poor father with a tube up his nose gasping for breath....how can he tell anyone off...he cant even get enough energy to draw in his own breath...so how can he be expected to tell that brat off... lord give me strenght...where are you when i need you.. i feel so tired and alone.. and hungry. i havent eaten all day and the minute i walk through that door my sister has a million and one things for me to do...'light the fire sam, wash the dishes sam, wash my shirt sam...your dad is calling you sam...sam my head is hurting, sam i need a drink, milk the goat sam, make some bush smoke sam.. feed me dinner sam...oooh for goodness sam, look you spilt on me sam and ill have to teach you a lesson now...goodness my hands cant even reach your face to slap you sam..will you lean alittle closer sam... why are you doing this to me lord...why did you have to let my mother die giving birth to me? why does my sister have to hurt me for every little thing? didnt she know i lost a mother too? the only friend i have in the world is nathan...my sweet neighbour with his laughing blue eyes and swaggering steps...warm cool palms.. firm....... .. what is the matter with me....what in the world am i saying....nathan ..i mean nat..o im so confused....id best go ive got to write in my diary
For as long as I can remember, and I'm not really that old...hey being thirteen isnt so bad...I've been scared most of my life. Scared why my momma had left me, my dad had cancer or when my sister would kill me. or at least batter my brains in for good measure. And the funny thing is, I never used to be afraid of her...sure she'd give me a knock here and a bruise here but i thought it was all part of being her sister and her being so rough anyhow...and other things that I would only reveal in my diary, IF SHE HAD ONLY SAID SORRY....that would make me excuse her behavior...but i never took it all seriously...except that day....ooo sorry...i didnt mean to spill my dairy's secrets, i promised her i wont say a word... im already in enough trouble as it is for comming back on this computer....my sister wanted to know what the hell i was ....sorry she swears at me... doing on this thing last night when i heard someone at my bedroom door. our bedroom door i should say...it's not as we have the money to afford two rooms. my dad's oxygen cyclinder and medical supplies takes up most of the space in his room. im trying so hard not to dredge up the past or think about the future...and i must go soon...ive got the front room to clean and my sister's school clothes to wash...i dont want to get into trouble again...sandflies are every where this time of year on the island so ive got to find wood to make a smoke fire as well.. long island isnt so bad you know...ive lived here all my life and i know her curves like the back of my hand...even...the place to go where you want utter privacy and to dig for treasure....but only my dairy knows and i aint telling a soul... night is falling fast....so hope you are safe whereever you are.. if i ever manage to sneak back on this thing again, ill tell you about the show down that happened at school today between my sister and sabriella....oooo i promise you wont believe it... love sam..... ps..i still shouldnt be talking to strangers
'in the beginning' Hi, my name is Sam. You can call me Sam if you want or 'Daygazer'...only my dad calls me Samantha when he's really mad and cross with me. Thank goodness that doesnt happen often. But the thing is, I'm not really meant to be talking to you, or any stranger for that matter but dad doesnt know I'm online. Have you seen my sister Claire? I've been looking for her for ages and my stomach is getting hungry. Very hungry. I'm not meant to go near the stove if it is her night to cook us dinner. I didnt say I couldnt cook...Im thirteen for goodness sake...all the island girls know how to cook at my age....but claire just does it better....and besides...she makes me clean up after her anyway...why create double work for myself... there are other things id like to tell you...but i dare not whisper loud...this is only a small island after all...and secrets travel fast.. but if you come back on to visit me every day i'll try to sneak away to say hello... it wasnt always like this...between claire and i...not that i can remember...but i am young and my memories are addled alittle.....she doesnt really mean to hit me with her fists although she is running out of excuses....i think id better go....there is someone at my bedroom door... .......... ill try and sneak away tommorow
Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances. Thomas Jefferson It is neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquility and occupation which give you happiness. Thomas Jefferson Thomas Jefferson's Guiding Principles: I. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today. II. Never trouble another for what you can do yourself. III. Never spend your money before you have it. IV. Never buy what you do not want, because it is cheap; it will be dear to you. V. Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst, and cold. VI. We never repent of having eaten too little. VII. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly. VIII. How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened. IX. Take things always by their smooth handle. X. When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred
- "Never put off something that can and should he done today" is a wise saying. Resolve to make a fresh start in whatever endeavors you have been avoiding recently
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