Im suppose to be a faith dwelling, love speaking, all around, on fire for God christian, but this world wont allow me to be. There are so many distractions and temptations to lure me away to sin that it makes my head dizzy. Every morning I wake up Im assaulted by things to buy, programmes to watch and wolves in sheep’s clothing who test my love and patience to the very limit. Sometimes I question even if Christ would have had a more difficult time concentrating than he did when he did back then! I get angry, grumpy, confused , and tired just like a human would.
And I lie and I swear and forget to pray most nights. I pay my tithes whenever I want and church sees me whenever I can! My conscience is laden with guilt by the insanity of it all. I confess my sins and try again only to start sinning on the seventh day again. Sometimes I think it’s a battle I can’t win. Sometimes I think I would better off in a convent away from this sinful world, but that isnt practical either since Ive grown so addicted to Grey’s Anatomy and Two and A Half Men! Do you think angels watch television too? It would sure make me feel alot better. But sin again I do even I repent a hundred times later. And if Im not careful you find myself compromising with my sin like,’It’s okay to buy the lottery ticket because I’ll help the homeless when I win’, or ‘, Im sure God wont mind if I skip bible lessons this week!’. The commitment goes. Self discipline follows and what you have left is someone like me who blindly follows the world and its temptation while trying to still attach a christian nametag to name badge..
Not an easy thing to do is it? I assure it is not. I try to be good and kind and honest and decent but how long can anyone stay like that forever. Someone pinches your space in the parking lot…and whoa there slips out swear word…even if it was under your breath and no one heard you. People are so money hungry and fame greedy they would literally sell their souls to the devil if it meant getting ahead. And for a while there I used to be like them…I used to get every morning with the sole intent purpose of comming online to sell more books and more books and more books, taking a piece of my soul with me everytime? I spent more time and energy pursuing that than I did trying to win another to Christ..so tell where’s the glory in that? Where’s the love and honour? The unfailing truth and commitment? What am I turning into?
Do people really need all this money? Are you really going to be happier with an extra wad of cash in your bank account or better view of the ocean? Do you we have to be blood thirsty and power driven all the time,and if so why cant we be blood thirsty and power driven about the right things? Why must we sell ourselves short? Dont we know that the people who lived before died doing the very same things? Did their precious drives and ambitions and lusts and hunger and greed to be on top at the expense of everyone else really stopped the thing that mattered? That we all die alike? The rich man and the poor? The wise and foolish alike?
Who are we trying to kid ? Ourselves. May God have mercy on me.
Tags: Religionmoney Lotterysin Truthlieslove
